Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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