hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
