I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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