Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
