she woke up with a sticky ear
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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