From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
