Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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