wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
