Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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