ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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