i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
