I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
