We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
