Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
