is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
