what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
