At least make sure they are 18
Why
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
