I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
