just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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