I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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