Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
