How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
