Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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