it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
