how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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