sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the day after is always just damage control
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
