I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
