Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
