dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
