Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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