It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
