Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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