I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
