Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
