i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
