haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
