there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
