You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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