And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
