I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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