It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
