I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
