Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
