I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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