32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
