i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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