I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
