New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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