ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
