i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
