I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
